I began in part 2 speaking about how God has given everyone a beautiful and unique cup. Even Jesus Christ had a cup while he was on this earth. Luke 22:42 shows us our dear Lord and Saviour in Prayer before his Father. He knew the cup that the Father had given him. To die on the cross for the sins of His people. And so he prayed, "Father, if you are willing, remove this cup from me." This cup was a very difficult one to bear! We certainly can't blame Him for asking this of His Father. But what he says next shows the ultimate example of submission and for our purposes, contentment. "Nevertheless, not my will, but yours be done."
Dillow points out that what Christ was essentially doing was taking His cup and holding it up to the Father and saying "I accept this cup Father. I know it will be difficult and painful to bear, but I know that Your will and Your plans are perfect and I will follow them for Your glory!"
Is that what I was doing with the cup that God had given me? With the portion of Motherhood? Unfortunately, No. I took a sip of my portion and I spat it out! I took my cup and I smashed it! I didn't want it. Take the cup, God! I'll go find my own cup. Meanwhile, I would be miserable and discontented.
I prayed and asked for the Lord to forgive me for not accepting the cup and portion that He had given to me. I realized that I wasn't thinking about His Glory. I was thinking about my own. I was thinking about my own comforts and pleasures. I was being selfish. 1 John 1:9: "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness". Thank you Lord for that!
The lesson wasn't over though. The Lord still needed to show me in a way that I would never forget! That very same evening I went into my pumpkin's room to check on her and I found her laying perfectly still with her eyes wide open. I stood there for what seemed like hours waiting for her to move or breathe or cry or anything that would tell me that she was still alive! As I waited there I cried out to God in my mind, "I just learned to accept this cup today and you are going to take it away from me!" Just then, she closed her eyes and turned her head. She was alive!
I left the room very shaken up. My legs were weak, my heart was pounding, I started crying and had to sit down. It was like a slap in the face - one that I deserved!
Of course this scenario of going into the room and wondering if she was still alive had happened many times before and many times since. I'm sure every parent knows of it! But this time, God really seemed to draw out those few seconds!
After this, I wrote in my journal:
I needed that Lord. Thank You. Both for your justice and your mercy. I am learning to accept this cup and portion that you have given! Help me with this! So that I may bring glory and honour to you.I am still learning. And God is still helping me.